November 17: One thing that is different from a year ago that I am grateful for...
One year ago, my school life had just begun to settle down. The beginning of the year was the worst year I had ever had. School felt chaotic, the schedule was a hosed-up mess; I found out a few days into the year that I was adding a class, which meant I was making a curriculum up on the fly, my lunch time was shifting, and the noon reading supervision was up in the air for six weeks. I wanted to quit every day, and began crossing each day off the calendar, upon which I had a reverse countdown going until the last day of school. In spite of all of this stress, I was confused about retirement. I had always thought last year would be the year I would retire, but after life settled down, I honestly couldn't decide, as the song says, if I should stay or I should go.
Fast forward......
This year started off much better. I have only wanted to run screaming from the building a few times instead of daily. Joking! The atmosphere has changed somewhat at school, I suppose, or perhaps I've just gotten used to it. I've gotten so used to it, in fact, that I think the retirement question has been resolved. I don't think I'm a dinosaur or a relic, but I also do not like the direction I see things going, which will make it easier to retire. Frankly, I'm enjoying my classes, and the library is running smoothly, but I can't see myself continuing on. I would like to do something different, and I would like to travel to places we like that are hotter than all get out in August, but should be quite comfortable in October. My husband retired in mid-October, so he's leading the way on this one. Last year I was on one day, out of there the next - quite a hot mess, so to speak. I honestly did not know what to do until spring.
Maybe after thirty-seven years of working within the school system, it's just that I've seen a lot of changes. Life as a teacher started off with SLOs, moved into EALRs, and now the Common Core State Standards have been dumped at our feet. We also have an evaluation system that is just a bit more than we've had for years, decades even. I don't really have a problem with them, but I honestly don't want to go on the comprehensive model. I've joked that out of the three cadres, A, B, and C, I wanted to be on Cadre Z. I wasn't joking; I'm Cadre C. I have a feeling that when spring rolls around this year, the decision will be a little easier to make.
So what am I grateful for? Another year of working with kids, less questioning on my part, making peace with inevitable changes. I know that when the time comes, I'll make the decision that is right for me and my family. And I'm grateful that I have the ability to make a choice.
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